Before giving you my thoughts on Burn After Reading (which I saw Wednesday night thanks to AICN and The Alamo Drafthouse), I want to rank it among the Coen Brothers’ past movies. This is subjective, but here’s how I rank their 13 films:

1. Fargo
2. No Country For Old Men
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Blood Simple
5. Barton Fink
6. The Man Who Wasn’t There
7. Miller’s Crossing
8. Burn After Reading
9. Raising Arizona
10. O Brother ,Where Art Thou
11. The Hudsucker Proxy
12. Intolerable Cruelty
13. The Ladykillers

First off, I probably have The Man Who Wasn’t There ranked higher than most, but I love that film. Maybe it’s the Coens and Roger Deakins in black and white (just stunning)? Or maybe it’s the stellar turn by Billy Bob Thornton? I’m also a noir freak, so maybe that’s it? Some might have Raising Arizona higher. Not me. While it might be more rewatchable than most of the films slotted above it, it’s not a better film. That’s about where Burn After Reading fits in. I have it ranked slightly above Raising Arizona, for now, mainly because of the strong acting performances by its celebrated ensemble cast.

Also, keep in mind that the bottom three are not in the same league as the top 10. Not even close.

I really enjoyed the film, though, and feel it’s one of their titles that’s going to be extremely rewatchable. After watching The Big Lebowski in theaters, I felt about like I do now about Burn After Reading. Lebowski grew on me big time, similar to Wes Anderson’s The Royal Tenenbaums. It’s not uncommon for movies to grow on me, especially comedies, but it is uncommon for them to do so to such a degree. It’s hard to say if Burn After Reading will move up like Lebowski, or stay put like Raising Arizona. I’ll play it safe and guess the latter.

The film feels disjointed for a while, possibly because you’re trying to figure out who the protagonist is. But I also like that it does feel that way. Kind of gives you that Washington outsider-type feel, which works well when you discover that the protagonist is Linda Litzke, Frances McDormand’s cosmetic surgery-obsessed fitness instructor. You kind of feel out of the loop or in over your head, which really all the five main characters are. You just never know how far in over they are until–BAM!–it hits you. That’s all I can say since I want to keep this a spoiler-free post.

It’s also a genre bender, like Barton Fink was. I mean, what the hell do you call this thing? It’s Coens all the way, but it almost has a Tony Gilroy (Bourne series, Michael Clayton) quality to it, or at least a bizarro Gilroy feel. Like if Gilroy penned a black comedy with a no-explosions stipulation. There’s even a car chase. Bourne After Reading? It’s part spy thriller, part black comedy, part satire, part ensemble flick and ALL Coens. One big clusterfuck of intelligence, technology, vanity, infidelity, Internet dating, middle-agedness, physical fitness and sex toy fetishes. What does the cluster fuck say to us in the end? That we take things like these and ourselves way too seriously.

Brad Pitt’s “Chad” defines why movies like Ghost Rider do well at the box office, and how W. got elected for not one but two terms. A brilliant performance. Green Day may have coined the phrase American Idiot, but nobody’s pulled it off as well as Pitt. His character sums up the whole movie; a bunch of confused dipshits who would serve themselves well if they realized they weren’t even half as smart as they thought they were. This movie says that we need to be OK with not being perfect, or we’ll end up a race of ignorant, fake, murderous infidels, fucking up all kinds of “shit” (as Chad would say) to keep from looking at ourselves in the mirror.

I definitely recommend Burn After Reading. Both to go see in the theaters and scoop once it hits DVD and Blu-Ray.

It’s been awhile, so I’m not going to offer a lengthy review here. I’d probably give the movie a B-, and a B+ for rewatchability. Robert Downey Jr. was indeed brilliant, but I don’t think Tropic Thunder was the instant classic many critics are making it out to be. I mean, talk about hype. Justin Theroux penned the script, his first, and now he’s writing Iron Man 2? The script was OK, but without the stellar cast I think the movie would have fallen somewhat flat.

I also would have preferred that Owen Wilson would have played the agent character that was written for him, instead of Matthew McConaughey. Unfortunately, personal stuff kept Owen out of the project. I did love the previews, however, especially the Satan’s Alley one. Happy Jack is also hilarious, politically correct or not. Jack Black was pretty hit or miss for me, as was Tom Cruise.

Additionally, I had a headache, which goes along with my theory that mood can greatly affect your movie-going experience. I will have to watch this a couple more times once it hits DVD to make my final judgment.

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One of the things I want to do with this site is occasional film reviews. After reading the reviews–it’s currently in the low 20s over at Rotten Tomatoes!–I just don’t think I can go to the theater and see The Clone Wars. I’m a huge Star Wars fan, and after going home depressed after two of the three prequels, I’m not going to do it to myself again. I’m going to wait for the Blu-Ray, and rent it from Netflix at that.

I do plan on going to see a couple movies this weekend. The first is Tropic Thunder, Ben Stiller’s directorial follow-up to the hilarious Zoolander. The second, is Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Both are in the 80s on Rotten Tomatoes, and I’m a big fan of Woody Allen, but also Jack Black (the best part of the latest King Kong, if you ask me), Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz (Volver was awesome), Robert Downey Jr. and Scarlett Johansson. I actually just watched one of my favorite Woody Allen films, Match Point, which stars the lovely Johansson. The only Woody flick I like better is The Purple Rose of Cairo.

Let’s hope that VCB ranks up there with those two films, as well as Annie Hall, Bullets Over Broadway and all Woody’s other gems. Let’s also hope that Tropic Thunder splits my side.

Also, am I crazy to think that The Dark Knight is a dark horse to win the box office one again?

Stephen Tobolowsky might be my new hero. Who in the hell is Tobolowsky? Um, only Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day, people. The character actor has also had sizable roles in three of my favorite TV shows of this decade–Deadwood, Entourage and Heroes. By the way, I love character actors. I was a big J.T. Walsh fan–rest in peace. J.K. Simmons is the man, too.

Sorry to get off on that tangent. What brought up Tobolowsky in the first place is that he recently appeared on the /filmcast to discuss The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor. Dude just rips the film, as well as other films. I haven’t enjoyed a podcast as much as I enjoyed this one in some time. Got me through a stack of dishes, that’s for sue.

The podcast does include spoilers, but, like they say, you really can’t spoil this film. In fact, the podcast is more entertaining than the movie anyway, and about a third as long. Trust me on this one–I watched the movie earlier this week. It is absolutely terrible. I mean, the CGI–and it’s everywhere in this film–looks like something you’d see on the Sci-Fi channel, a straight-to-DVD title or a 90’s arcade game. Terrible. The two leads are absolutely atrocious, the amazing Asian actors are wasted, and the plot is absolutely ridiculous. Brendan Fraser’s big plan to defeat Jet Li’s character–an enemy with seemingly unlimited, not to mention corny, supernatural powers–is to call him a pussy and challenge him to a fistfight. It’s utterly ridiculous.

Just go listen to the podcast, and please don’t go see this. At least wait for it to hit DVD, or, better yet, TNT in several years. It would be a shame for you to spend your hard-earned change on this albatross.